NO JARGON. Every sentence should say something.

I often get bombarded with press releases that use the first 150 words to tell me nothing.

I have some tips for when you want to pitch someone’s promotion.

Believe it or not, I don’t just pitch these.

Sometimes I dig deep to find something interesting.

Here are the tips:

1. NO JARGON in copy.

2. Don’t get bogged down in what his responsibilities are, though they can be included lower. I have never seen a front-page, top-of-blog feature on a promoted employee’s new responsibilities, unless it’s something like, “He will be in charge of making sure there is no nuclear war.”

3. NO JARGON in quotes.

4. Quotes like, “I am pleased … ” or “I am excited … ” say nothing. Of course they are pleased and excited. I’d rather hear about what specifically about their new responsibilities excites them and why.

5. NO JARGON anywhere.

6. Pick one of his past jobs and hammer it home with details.


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